Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The jacquette family bank
One day at the jacquette family bank rayj jacquette was in his office when dill bigsy comes in to the bank with two mp5s and two rpg. Rayj comes out of his office and grabs a rpg and a mp5 they all so had a sniper on the roof of the store 2 miles for the bank his name was cass bigsby. Meanwhile in the bank rayj and dill had a the people in the bank in a room dill took all there phones and rayj killed all the grads dill took the manager of the bank in a room alone. A man next door to the bank that they heard the gun shots that killed the grand so he called the cops. The cops come and when cass so them he started to shoot them. The swat team come and they didn’t want to go in because they were scared would get killed by rayj and dill. The caps called rayj to see what he wanted he said that he wanted his friend Delyn yebig freed from jail and if he is not by midnight he will blow up the bank. He said that he will killed a one of the people in the bank every 15min. when the swat team came 2 of them were killed by cass. The cops had to think of a plan fast rayj has killed 5 people so far and it is all ready 5:00pm so they only have 7 hours tell rayj blows up the bank. The swat team gets a sniper but he whant to the building next to cass so cass killed him and the swat sniper fell off the roof and died. The cops said that they have on chose but free Delyn from jail. The cops go to free Delyn and take him to the bank rayj see him and he kills the cops that are with him rayj gives Delyn a gun. Dill buts booms all over and they all lave when they are far away dill push the bottim\n that makes the booms go off and rayj shots the rpg the bank goes boom and all the people in the bank die and all the cops that where by the bank died to. One hour later the cops found cass they said that they kill him he doesn’t tell them where rayj ,dill and Delyn are. The next day rayj is woken up by a bong and the fbi running in the house yelling “get on the ground”. In the end cass ,rayj ,dill and Delyn go to fedora jail for 15 years.
THE End
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I enjoy reading your fiction. I think you've put a lot of entertainment in here. However, I would like to see you take the time to break this story into paragraphs to help the reader along. Also, please take more time to edit.
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